Fearless Woman

For as long as I remember, I have seen my mother being brave, outspoken and bold. Until one day, I came across an old picture of my mother, a shy, slim, petite girl with a slight glimmer in her eyes.

I never saw my father in our early years, and my mother looked after my sister and I. I always wondered where my father was and what had happened to result in my parents not living together anymore.

Later on, I found out. My mother had faced domestic abuse for fifteen years. The account of 15 horrific years left me devastated when I heard about it.

In my mother’s words:

“I hate evenings, as I have always known to fear them. As soon the sun goes down, your father came home drunk and beat me and your sister brutally. He would beat me without fail every evening and if I gave him money to buy alcohol, he would stop. I went to your grandmother and uncle seeking help, but they said everything would be fine, and to just be patient.

“I did not have the qualifications, but somehow I found the part-time work to feed you and your sister. One day I came home to your sister crying and your father sleeping with some women in my bedroom.

“Every single day my life was turning into a miserable hell. Your father would do exactly the same thing every day. Years passed by and you were born. I kept telling myself that I would not let anybody hurt my daughters and I would give them every chance they deserved in life.

“Years were passing by and the physical and mental trauma continued. Some days he would decide to throw me out of the house at night to shiver. Other days he would point a knife at me, to scare me, so I would give him money for his alcohol and drug addictions. I was alone with two little daughters, clueless as to what to do. He cut my thumb with a knife because I refused to sponsor his addiction and asked him to take some responsibilities around the the house and with his daughters.

“A few more years passed by, until one day he decided to burn my clothes to frighten me. He wanted me to ask for money from your grandmother. That day was dark; he was beating me, you and your sister, and suddenly I got the courage to hold you and your sister’s hands and run. We all were barefoot, the roads were rough, you were in my arms. I just kept running and running.

“That day I was running from all the pain and abuse. That day I was running from all those years of my life where everyday I had lost every inch of my self-respect.

“I managed to reach the police station and for the first time I raised my voice against the violence I had been facing for 15 years. Your father was sent to judicial custody and we finally got divorced. People say that I was alone with my daughters that day, but they don’t know that my courage was with me, holding my hand tightly.

“I was released from that torture and trauma. It took me many years to speak and act against it, but I did.”

This is the story of my mother, born and raised in a small town. The story of a fearless woman who fought every day silently until one day she raised her voice. No woman deserves to be abused or tortured.

My mother waited fifteen years before she raised the voice. We should not wait even 15 seconds. In every woman there is a fearless courage hiding; we just need to realise it.

Priyanka Savita is a film and gender studies researcher. She is a PhD student currently researching the vilest aspects of cinema: vulnerability, gender discrimination, female representation and the feminist enigma in Hindi Bollywood cinema. She’s a writer, a fearless femme, a poet and a believer in gender equality.