Peaks and Troughs

Writing poetry has helped me through my journey of living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and blindness. It was approximately seven years ago that my mental health began to decline dramatically. During my school days I experienced bullying, regularly struggling to make friends. I began working with mental health services in 2011 and that’s ongoing. My sight was deteriorating and my emotions were becoming increasingly erratic. By the time I was 22 I had attempted suicide multiple times. I was diagnosed with BPD, anxiety, depression and psychosis which became more and more unmanageable. I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital approximately three times per year and have experienced around 20 hospital stays. I began using poetry to express some of my emotions, particularly during more difficult times. I now live in a supported housing project with round-the-clock support for mental health needs. In the past I volunteered for four years supporting visually impaired people through various groups. However, today I find it much more difficult to commit to regular volunteering or studying due to my constant mood fluctuations. This is something I am beginning to become involved with once more. At my lowest, my life was frustrating, dark and lonely. I loved people, resented, adored and discounted people – all simultaneously.  The physical and psychological distress became agonising at times. I attempt to make my life as productive as possible and sharing my poetry has helped. With little more than light perception remaining of my eyesight I battle each day for the simple things that make it worthwhile.