A 'Good' Person | By Ida Henrich

Words and Art by Ida Henrich

You’d always sit there and watch the others, because they were ‘good’ at things.

You never gathered the confidence to believe that you too are ‘good’.

You never saw the proof, ignored any accomplishment, thinking of them as in the past or temporary. You’d look ahead to piles of plans and ambitions: make money, have friends, be ‘likeable’. Likeable.

You have always been ‘likeable’, though.

You have done so much, so quickly – never slowing down to look at it.

Are you proud of yourself? I am proud of you, now.

Remember when you jammed your ribs on the way home from a holiday abroad by carrying too much weight on your back? You could not breathe nor lift your arms amidst the after-pain. You were told you should learn to swim front-crawl to build up the muscles in your back and support your ribs. So you went out to get a swimming costume, a pair of goggles and a swimming cap. You paid for a gym membership.

You went to the pool and started learning. One of the lifeguards offered to help you. And you tried, and tried, and tried. Remember when the old lady shouted at you because you swam into her?

You tried again and again.

You would try so hard that you needed to rest half way down the lane to catch a breath. You must have gulped down half the swimming pool. Then you tried more, but still you had not mastered front-crawl. You wouldn’t lift your elbows high enough outside the water, the lifeguard would tell you.

You then tried (and tried again) with lifting your elbows, too.

You’d go swimming and work-out in the gym five times a week. After trying for two months, you could swim a whole length. One length though? That was not enough, so you tried harder. Do you recall how the expressions on your face felt when your friend told you she could swim one hundred lengths in 45 minutes? You’d never seen her in the pool so you thought other people didn’t even have to practice and they could swim far longer than you.

Therefore, you decided, you would try, try and try again.

Then, once, towards the end of your exhausting attempts, the lifeguard said you had tried too hard; that you were trying to go too fast and your way of swimming was exhausting. You needed to relax, he said, adding that he couldn’t go for long if he swam like you did.

Why were you trying to go fast? Did you think being ‘good’ at swimming meant going fast? You have never been a fast swimmer. Maybe you were ‘good’ at swimming already, but just trying too hard to match your ideas about other people’s goodness?

You do that kind of thing a lot.

Trust me. I always tell you, but so far you never listen; maybe I’ve got a point worth considering? You will never stop trying your best. I admire that about you, you are always trying to improve. But please, look after yourself, you are fast at some things and slow with others, probably like everyone.

You too are already ‘good’.