Loving Every Day | Charlotte Underwood

Words by Charlotte Underwood | Art by Ida Henrich

I never understood Valentine’s Day as a child; it was just the day that my dad would come home from work and give my brothers and I a roll of Love Heart sweets. I assumed that yes, the day was about love, but also wondered why we have to prove it on a specific day, each year. I suppose what I am saying is that it wasn’t a day I ever initially marked on the calendar.

As a teenager, I found myself falling into the obsession of Valentine’s Day. I started dating from the age of 14 and I noticed that everyone else was getting cards and chocolate from their partners, so I guessed that it was just part of a relationship; like an obligation. I had very little experience in relationships, so I could only learn from those around me.

I felt the pressure weeks in advance, before the “big” day. I was worried I would be left without a card from my partner, because apparently, it would mean that I wasn’t loved if my partner did not confess his undying love to me every February 14th.  I honestly got upset at the thought that I would possibly be the only girl in the world without a loving partner.

I’m married now, and we made this pact to not celebrate Valentine’s from the very start. But it has nothing to do with the fact that my husband always forgets when the date actually is…

The point is simply this, we never go a day without letting one another know that we love each other. We will go on dates, have fancy meals and surprise each other with gifts, but we do it when we want to – not when the day tells us to. We don’t need to give physical evidence to prove ourselves to each other.

Love is something that cannot be confined into a day. It cannot be defined by society, the mass media or the couples that surround you. Love is what you have with the person who you share your life with, it’s not something planned, or something decided, it just is.

Valentine’s can be so hard, it puts pressure on the relationship, it can make you feel worthless, or loved less. Letting this idea of a created event control your expectations runs the risk of doing more harm than good; because it’s just a day.

It can be such a challenging time of year for our mental health, when the world is vomiting love hearts everywhere you go, especially if you feel alone – perhaps due to a break up or the loss of a loved one. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you are not loved and that you don’t deserve just as much attention as you have when you were in a partnership; sometimes the best gift we can give our self in this situation is to learn to love ourselves and treat ourselves how we would want a prospective partner too.

While I would never stop anyone from celebrating any event, if they really wanted too, I would just want people to remember that we do not need to limit ourselves or set so many expectations. Love is rare and beautiful, but it works best when we remember that it belongs to us, not to the world. Besides, if someone matters to you, every day should be a celebration of love. Honestly, if love is real, it won’t need to be proved.