Secrets to Building Self Worth

Image credit: Ida Henrich

Self-worth is defined in the dictionary as ‘the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person’. It is the deep-routed opinion we have of ourselves that can affect how we feel, how we react to good and bad situations, and why we act the way we do.

The Importance of Self-Worth

The way you see yourself has a huge effect on your day-to-day life. It determines how you make decisions, the way you react to things and how you present yourself to others. If you know who you are and can learn to love yourself, you will achieve so much more in life and, more importantly, you will feel ten times more satisfied and fulfilled. The secret is to look internally to find your self-worth and not outwardly at your achievements or the opinions and actions of others. If you have an exam, an assignment, or a deadline coming your way, remember that your worth is not defined by how well you do. If you remember that, you’re less likely to get stressed about it.  

Your opinion of yourself is crucial

If you’re going to increase your self-worth you need to push aside all the negative thoughts you have about yourself and focus on the good. Are thoughts like these regular visitors in your mind?

‘They have way more experience, my opinion doesn’t matter.’

‘This was bound to happen to me, it’s what I deserve.’

These are all signs of low self-esteem. These niggling thoughts can creep in whenever you are faced with a challenge or experience a blow to your confidence. They are lies. Lies I admit, with my hands held up, that I believe far too often.

Here’s what I do when these thoughts rear their ugly heads (and I urge you to do this exercise with me. It will really help boost your self-worth).

Stop focussing on your weaknesses

1. Write a list of your strengths. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? What areas have people complimented you on? In which areas do you flourish?
2. Write down all the times you’ve succeeded in life. It’s easy to focus on the hard times and the times you feel you’ve failed. Instead, think back to all the times you were proud of something you’ve done. Success isn’t necessarily about getting a promotion or a pay rise or a boyfriend or girlfriend. When have you achieved a goal? Done something you’ve always dreamed of? Did something you didn’t know you could do?
3. Make two lists: one negative and one positive. Start with the negative: This can be a thought you have often, how you felt after someone has said or done something that has hurt you, simply a word that is negative. Now, write a list that counteracts those things. Write down the complete opposite. By doing this, you’re speaking positivity over low self-worth. For example: ‘I wasn’t good enough for him, that’s why he left’ becomes ‘I’m worth more than what he did.’ You might not believe what you’re writing at first but by deliberately not focussing on your weaknesses, you’re teaching your brain to think positively about yourself.
4. Finish these sentences. Once a week until you start to notice a change in your attitude, complete these thoughts: The thing I’m most afraid of is… Today I would like to… I gain strength from… My future is… I believe that… It’s hard to admit that…

Trust your instincts

When it comes to the opinions of other people, the thing you need to remember – and the thing I have to tell myself every day – is only you know who you really are. We can be so close to someone and can know them so well that it’s like they’re inside our heads. But the truth is that no other person can truly know what makes you tick. Therefore, your self-worth can’t be reliant on the opinions of other people, ever. Even if it’s the opinions of someone you love and especially if it’s those of a boss, a colleague, or a teacher.

You can’t please everyone all the time. So trust your instincts. Is your self-worth defined by the comments, actions and opinions of someone else? If it is, I urge you to scroll back up to the ‘Stop focussing on your weaknesses’ section and do the exercises. Your self-worth has to come from within. Do this and you’ll re-define success.

Live in the Present

Let go of pain from your past. Holding on to traumatic experiences does nothing good for your mental health. Before I go any further on this one, I want you to know that I’m fighting this battle as I type. As I write, I’m trying to physically rewire my thoughts. It’s hard, I know, but you’re not doing this on your own. We can do it together.

Emotional trauma can leave physical damage. Trouble sleeping, a lack of appetite, physical aches all over your body, no energy, and trouble concentrating, to name a few. Unless you try to let go of the pain that’s causing these symptoms, they’ll linger for months, years even, and will damage your sense of self-worth. The best advice I’ve received is to be kind to myself when I feel that way. Nurture the pain, don’t deny it. Like with any other trauma, there will be times when you feel okay, and that is when I encourage you to consider your future. A future that is free from the pain of yesterday. Letting go is never easy but you can’t move forward if you’re stuck in the past.

Like most challenges in life, letting go is not a solution but a process. Just take the first step and then take another. One foot in front of the other.

Don’t be afraid to sparkle! Let your true colours shine!

Building your self-worth is a process. It’s an active decision you have to make every single day. Don’t expect to wake up tomorrow with a whole new perspective on yourself. Spend time really getting to know who you are and then hold your head high. You are worth so much  — it’s up to you if you believe it or not.

My name is Safrina Smith. Here’s a short bio so you can get to know me: My goals are to chase my dreams and make this life extraordinary. Life has thrown some pretty major curveballs my way over the years and even if I do nothing else with what it’s taught me, I want to use it to encourage others. I’m all about living by faith and knowing your self worth. I aim is to be a voice of encouragement, comfort and motivation.

Ida Henrich is a German Cartoonist, Illustrator and Designer based in Scotland. She has worked with award winning publishers, online coaches and magazines. Ida is a graduate of Communication Design at the Glasgow School of Art where she specialised in Illustration. In her own work she explores themes such sex-education, growing up, and women’s experiences. Her comics and illustrations are written for both men and women and aims to start an open dialogue between partners, friends, parents, and children about their one’s own experiences. She believes that Art is a powerful way to make ideas and feelings tangible.

As Art Editor, Ida is responsible for all things visual at Fearless Femme including the correspondence with our visual artists, the design and realisation of the online magazine and the illustration of our amazing cover woman.  She will also be creating artwork for some of our articles, poems and stories. You can contact her at ida@fearlessly.co.uk.