by Remi Jokiranta (PeacefulPirateNinja)
Photography: Rosie Kerr on Unsplash
So scared, so excited
But mostly nervous
In principle it is always difficult, but also doable
In practice, it feels impossible or at least dreadful
Imagination leaves room for wonders and nightmares
Yet it’s eating away at me, so I must confront it
Do what I have pictured for some time now
My heart beating, my stomach dropping
Every time I think of this very fast approaching situation
How will I say it?
All the words feel wrong
The language feels wrong
I feel wrong
And maybe it will end up being okay
But that doesn’t erase the fact that right now it feels like a mountain containing stones of anxiety
This will happen only once
And it won’t be perfect, no things ever are
But I would like for myself not to ruin it with my nerves and slowly blackening heart
Before it can feel free again to pass along the blood that I so desperately need
Remi Jokiranta (PeacefulPirateNinja)
Remi Jokiranta, aka PeacefulPirateNinja, is a 20-year-old psychology student from Finland currently studying in Edinburgh. They are very passionate about human rights (especially women’s and LGBTQIA+ rights) and animal rights and they advocate for these causes in many different ways (street activism, social media, art, etc.). They love to draw, paint and write poems. They’re also very passionate about self-love, addressing mental health issues and being inclusive to everyone.
