Nevertheless She Persisted

Content warnings: eating disorders, mention of suicide attempt

The very first idea for creating a body of work about women came at the end of November 2016. I started researching issues which affect predominantly, but not exclusively women, as well as drawing from my own personal experiences to create a series which would resonate with women anywhere. At that early stage, I really had no concept of what the project could, or would, become.  

Once I started meeting the women, I took on their stories as my own. I felt everything they felt. Although I had never lost a child or a husband, had cancer or an addiction to overcome, through my history of depression and anxiety, I still understood their feelings of pain, of loss, of loneliness, of helplessness — and eventually, of wanting to use the traumatic experiences to help others. I could never have predicted how much the women and their stories would affect me. While I have been in a fairly stable place with my own mental health recently, it brought back the memories of my darkest days. We ended up supporting each other. I wanted the women to know that they were stronger than they realised — just by putting themselves forward for this was an incredible act of bravery.

It’s been beautiful to see the women finally recognise and embrace their own strength.  During the 11 day exhibition (at Out of the Blue, Edinburgh, in May), I had countless conversations with strangers about some of the journeys they’d been on. It emphasised the fact that we all have a story and that there is always hope. The feedback I’ve received on the back of the exhibition has made me even more passionate about making meaningful work. Not art for art’s sake; art that can heal.

Dominique

At the age of ten, Dominique’s father died suddenly. She turned to food as a comforter and continued to put on weight into adulthood. Although she’d always been a bigger child, she became more aware of her size in comparison to her friends and family. Her weight was a barrier for her, limiting her confidence and physical ability to do the things she wanted to. After reaching her peak weight of 25 stone in May 2016, Dominique has since gone on to lose 125lbs. She continues to enjoy food but has found a healthier balance between exercise and her diet. After years of insecurity, Dominique is finally more comfortable in her own body.

Lucy

The scans of Lucy in utero showed no abnormalities, but when she was born with blocked airways, no jaw or cheekbones, she was diagnosed with the condition Treacher Collins. Lucy spent the first three months of her life breathing and being fed through tubes. At the age of two, it was also confirmed that Lucy was profoundly deaf – another symptom of the condition – and was subsequently fitted with cochlear implants. Lucy has undergone various operations to help improve both her breathing and to change her face aesthetically. In the first major surgery, Lucy’s jaw was smashed in an attempt to rebuild it while the most recent operation six years ago involved taking bone from her hip to help build her jaw up.  

These operations leave Lucy out of action for several months and now that she is at university and looking to start her career, she is not keen on having any more major surgery in the near future. If she does, it will only be for health reasons and not for cosmetic ones. Lucy feels she has been lucky to not have faced a great deal of bullying or discrimination for her appearance but wants to help educate people on facial disfigurements to normalise visible differences in our society.

Sarah

From a very young age, Sarah became conscious of the size of her body. She viewed herself as large, despite being average weight, and began to binge eat and vomit.  During her teen years, she grew to associate her worth with her weight, and thought that she would only be attractive to boys if she was thinner. By 17, she was regularly starving herself and her weight dropped dramatically. While she had supportive friends and family, she found many of the medical experts unhelpful.  Sarah stabilised her weight — though the binging and vomiting never completely stopped. In May 2017, Sarah was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder, a diagnosis which helped her make sense of her eating disorder and general mental health. Sarah faces highs and lows, but fully embraces and encourages body positivity for all women.

Shell

Shell remembers being anxious as young as seven or eight years old. Growing up, she lacked confidence and found any social interactions difficult. Her father wasn’t around but Shell had a good relationship with her mum. When she fell pregnant at the age of 19, her partner left and she had no choice but to move back in with her mum. The father didn’t meet the baby until she was 18 months old when they reunited for a year. His mentally abusive behaviour led Shell to plan her escape and she was once again a single mum. Shell’s daughter has had almost no contact with her father, mirroring her own upbringing. In 2007, Shell accidentally discovered her own father. They had a brief relationship before Shell realised that that her desire for the relationship was stronger than his was. This was one of the factors which led Shell to overdose on antidepressants at the end of that year. Shell still struggles with her mental health, and is particularly self-conscious of her appearance and being around people — even struggling in social situations with her closest friends. Shell is very open with her daughter about her depression and anxiety as she believes it’s important to educate people properly to help end the stigma attached to mental health issues.

Mhairi Bell-Moodie is a portrait and documentary photographer living and working in Edinburgh. After a few years working in dead-end jobs and travelling the world, she returned to Scotland anxious that she still didn’t have a career. At 27, she went back to college to study photography and proudly graduated from Edinburgh College with a BA in Professional Photography in 2016; she’d finally found her passion. Since then, she has been working freelance. Much of this time was also spent working on Nevertheless, She Persisted. While she made money from shooting pet portraits or corporate events, she kept busy with the project. She recently exhibited the series in Edinburgh and is now looking to take it to other UK cities. Portraits from the series were recently shortlisted in the 161st Royal Photographic Society’s International Photography Exhibition with one also being selected for the Royal Scottish Academy of Art and Architecture Open 2018 exhibition which runs from June 23rd to July 25th 2018.

(Profile picture ©Katie Blair )