Community | By Mandy Lee Berger

Words by Mandy Lee Berger | Art by Chris Kent

As soon as I saw the theme for this issue, this poem came straight into my head. I have always struggled with trusting others due to my background. Growing up, I had to take care of myself and rely on myself and could never rely on anyone else. I long to feel part of something but I always feel separated; like I am seeing a circle with all these people holding hands and there is no space for me. It hurts my heart to feel this way. I really hope one day that I heal within me all that keeps me from being part of something. I have this image of being in this room and there are a lot of people there and they are all looking at me and smiling and welcoming me and I just walk up to them, like I belong there and it feels easy for me.

I only know I and ME

I have never known what is US and WE

I only know how to go it ALONE

I have never had a place that felt like HOME.

I only think in BLACK and WHITE

I have never known the COLOURS that exist inside

Because as a child I was starved of LIGHT

Now all I do is HIDE

 

I only know I and ME

I have never known what is US and WE

I only know how to rely on MYSELF

When NOBODY ANSWERED my calls for HELP.

I AM THE ONE who had to get me THROUGH

Even when I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO

And IT’S TRUE

that I DON’T KNOW HOW to let anyone INSIDE

I have NEVER KNOWN any STABILITY in my life.

 

I only know I and ME

I have never known what is US and WE

I have no conception of COMMUNITY

It honestly MYSTIFIES me.

 

I only know I and ME

I have never known what is US and WE

When I see people in COMMUNITIES

I DON’T KNOW HOW to be part of THAT

I feel on the OUTSIDE

I feel I don’t know where I fit

I have never felt there was any ROOM FOR ME

NO ROOM IN COMMUNITY.

It honestly TERRIFIES me.

 

I only know I and ME

I have never known what is US and WE

But I dream of being held within a

COMMUNITY

Where I am WELCOMED

and FREE

and I know the meaning of US and WE