She's Narnia and I'm The Closet

Illustration: Caitlin Fooks

Her life was like a fairy tale I didn’t get to read the end of,

like fine wine I had to spit out before I could taste its spice,

like briefly helping her dress backstage,

to watch her dance the night away,

but never be a part of the play.

 

That’s what she was to me, unreachable.

Always slipping away from my frightened fingers

lingering on her skin,

hoping she would stay.

She was like magic,

breaking the spell of the prison of my mind,

but I am the worst magician you’ll ever know,

and I couldn’t even perform one little trick

to hold onto her a little longer

before I let her slip away,

take the magic,

and revert my world to grey.

 

So when I say that I miss her,

I don’t miss fond memories of lovers in a park;

we were never lovers.

We never kissed in the rain,

I never gently stroked her face.

She was like a glistening star:

beautiful,

but already dead in my world.

Our brief touch

ignited a flame,

leaving a brand on me

that’ll never quite go away.

Talitha Mayisha is a 28-year-old emerging poet from the Netherlands. She started writing poetry when her health began to improve again after years of being bedridden in a pitch-dark room because of her illness. Most of her work is based on her own experiences of (mental) health, growing up in a dysfunctional family and the deconstruction of her faith. She is passionate about books, mythology, intersectional feminism and animals.

Caitlin is currently studying cognitive science at Edinburgh University. She is passionate about understanding the human mind, and spreading that understanding to counteract misconceptions most people hold about their own minds. When she’s not at uni she can be found swing dancing, drawing, writing, reading and watching endless movies.